I Can't Stay but I Don't Want to Leave

I'll be moving soon, and this fills me with some conflicting emotions. On the one hand, my current place is a sort of glorified dorm room, with no kitchen to speak of and barely enough space to do, well, anything. On the other hand, my landlords are some of the sweetest people I've ever met. It's not unlike renting an apartment from your friend's grandparents.

From the very start, the woman who owns the building has been incredibly kind to me. I think she worries about me, since I live alone in a foreign country, without any family nearby. I still remember hurrying to the door, in the middle of unpacking a giant suitcase, to receive a plate of grapes. While it shocked me at the time, little did I know it was only the first of many kind deliveries at odd hours. Homemade kimchi and sikhye, more grapes, pears and even, on one memorable occasion, an extra plate of jajjangmyeon.

Her husband is a bit more intimidating, despite his rather small stature. He speaks with a gruff voice, barking out short statements and scowling, so for a long time I was kind of scared of him. However, as the weeks and months went by and my Korean improved, I realized that was just his style. Every time I left my apartment, he'd ask where I was going, and tell me to go and come back safely. If it was late, he'd tell me to be careful. If I struggled to find my keys in the detritus at the bottom of my purse, he'd get the door open for me.

~*~

While our day to day interactions are nice, it's during holidays that their kind and welcoming attitude really shines. I experience this first back in January, during the Lunar New Year. Unlike the new year in the US, this is less a time to go out with friends and more a time to stay home and eat a meal with your family; it's a bit like Christmas in that way.

Anyways, for various soju and videogame related reasons, I'd  been up pretty late the night before, so my landlady knocking (more like banging. she's surprisingly strong) on my door around 9 AM woke me from a deep sleep. Assuming it was just a package or possibly more grapes, I stumbled to the door in my pajamas, glasses askew, only to have it slowly sink in that not only was she asking me (in Korean) if I had eaten yet, but she was inviting me upstairs to join her family. I managed to mumble something along the lines of “No I haven’t eaten/just a minute please/thank you”.Considering that even basic English is often a challenge for me within 30 minutes of waking up, I considered even that much Korean to be a serious accomplishment.

Still in a blur, I threw on some halfway decent clothes, slapped on enough makeup to keep me from looking like a zombie, and tried to mentally prepare myself for meeting an unknown amount of people who probably didn’t speak any English. Apparently I didn’t gather myself fast enough, though, because my landlord also came down to invite me up. I guess they were worried I hadn’t understood? Or I thought I’d gone back to sleep?

Fortunately, the family was pretty laid back. When I knocked on the door, they quickly ushered me into the living room and made me sit and eat soup with the older daughter and son-in-law and grandson, Shion. Somehow, the kid was the only one whose name I learned. Fortunately, the son-in-law was pretty good at English, so when my broken Korean fell apart, he was able to help out. The food was delicious: rice cake and dumpling soup, fresh fruit, and various side dishes. I think most of the family had already eaten, because they were lounging around watching TV, while my landlady kept pushing more and more food at me. If I stopped eating for even a moment, she would give me a slice of apple or a strawberry on a tiny fork. I guess grandmothers are the same no matter where you go.

As my natural awkwardness in unfamiliar situations started to fade, I began to feel a bit like I was spending a holiday with my own family. A bit too full of food, sleepy, and vaguely watching television as my landlord puttered away at his craft project and the grandson and son-in-law played silly games on the floor.

The polaroid camera must have been a Christmas present.

However, the most surprising moment came when it was time for the family to do the traditional bows and greetings and giving of New Year’s money. I knew what was happening, but as the tenant guest I assumed that I would not be included. I’m not family, and a foreigner besides, so why would I butt in? Wrong! Not only did they push me forward to bow and greet the grandparents (which I managed to do without stammering or falling over), they even gave me some money! I was shocked, and so happy. They sent me home with kimchi and fruit, and a warm feeling of being adopted into yet another family.

~*~

Time passed, summer faded into fall, and suddenly Chuseok was upon us. Chuseok is more or less Korean Thanksgiving, a sort of harvest celebration with lots of cooking and certain food that is inextricably linked with the holiday. Fortunately, this time I was half expecting to be forcefully invited up to join my landlord for a meal, though despite my best efforts I still didn't manage to wake up in time to be ready when he banged on the door. Seriously, who is awake at 8:30 on a holiday. Crazy people.

I wasn't able to fit all the food in the picture.

You know what else was crazy? The amount of food. As you can see, they'd cooked enough to feed an army. Rice cakes, soup, bulgogi, some kind of beef dish, kimchi, various fried vegetables, japchae...I was completely overwhelmed.

Apparently in the months that have passed since new year's everyone forgot that I'm capable of using chopsticks, so I had to undergo the usual volley of questions. Can you eat spicy food? Can you use chopsticks? Do you like kimchi? Yes, yes, and yes. My landlady especially loved the fact that I liked her kimchi. As she explained to me with a laugh, her husband, her son and grand-daughter all don't like kimchi. I managed to get in a bit of a joke there, asking the son if he was Korean, to which his mom replied that he's probably an alien. Apparently my humor is only effective on old people and children. Not entirely sure what that says about me...

After eating more than I thought was possible, we all settled into a comfortable and sated quiet in front of the television, which is when I discovered that my landlord is a minor local celebrity. He makes these amazing sculptures and containers out of folded paper, and the best thing is, the paper he uses is recycled takeout menus, coupon books, and ticket stubs. Apparently this caught the attention of a local tv crew, because suddenly there was my neighborhood on tv, with reporters following my landlord around as he gathered the materials he needed.

This was my favorite.

Want to move in?

A small selection of the full collection.

He must spend most of his time on this hobby, and it's really adorable how proud of his work he is. When he caught me taking some pictures of the collection, he insisted on getting a shot of him sitting in front. He even gave me a small one! I haven't quite decided what to use it for, but I know I'll treasure it.

Well-deserved pride.

Hard at work.

Hard to believe it's made from coupons and train tickets!

I've found a new place to live, but it's not far. It's probably not likely, but I hope I'll be able to stay in touch with this incredibly kind and generous family. I wish it were easier for me to tell them how much I appreciate all they've done for me. I guess it's motivation to get back to work on my Korean studies, huh? A friend suggested I write a letter in Korean, but so much of what I want to say is way above my level. Being so far from family is one of the hard parts about living over here, but if I keep meeting people like this, I know I'll be able to survive.

Why did you come to Korea?

After "What's your name?", "How old are you?", "Do you have a boyfriend?", "Why not?" and "Do you know Dokdo?", one of the most common and weirdly challenging to answer questions I get in Korea is "Why did you come to Korea?" Why Korea, and not some other country? Why would you fly halfway across the world, leave everything familiar, and take a job here?

Well? Good question.

Before I came to Korea, I'd been considering both Japan and Korea as possible destinations. Thanks to a dumb mistake on my JET application (postmarked by and received by are VERY different, kids), Japan fell out of the running pretty early. However, that doesn't mean that there weren't plenty of reasons why Korea felt like a good choice.

 1. Food

I feel a bit funny putting food as the first point on my list, but these aren't in any particular order, and honestly food is pretty important in my life. I don't want to move someone where I can't eat the food. Not that I'm a picky eater, but I wouldn't want to teach English in, say, a country that only eats Brussels sprouts and overripe bananas. Also if a real country exists that has that diet I am so sorry.

Well now I'm hungry.

Before I'd even considered moving to Korea, I was already familiar with quite a few types of Korean food, and I knew I loved it. Just as my old roommates if you want stories of my kimchi mania. There are few foods I have not combined kimchi with at this point. No regrets.

2. Teaching conditions 

Compared to other places I was looking at, namely Japan, the type of job I would have in Korea looked more appealing. I want to be a teacher for the rest of my life, and from what I could find out, a NET (native English teacher) in Korea was closer to a full-fledged teacher than in other programs, where it’s common to just be a sort of human tape player, only there as an example of proper pronunciation.

Lesson planning is serious business.

Serious I tell you.

Stop judging me.

Fortunately, this turned out to be entirely true. I plan all of my own lessons, and basically run my own classes, with translation and classroom management help from my Korean coteachers. It's a lot of work, but I feel like it's more rewarding than just being an assistant. I'm aware that not all teachers in Korea have my same experience, but if you want a good chance of being close to a real teacher, Korea is a good choice.

3. Cost of living 

Compared to the US, Korea is very affordable to live in. Food is cheap, clothes aren’t so bad, your school pays your rent, the list goes on and on. Got student loans? You’ll be able to save so much money here, you’ll be able to pay them off in no time.

Some of my teacher friends are constantly complaining that they're broke, and I really don't get what they're spending their money on. Going out? Expensive Western food? Maybe it's because I'm such a hermit most of the time, but it's almost absurd how easily I've been able to save money here in Korea, even with all the (what I consider to be) very reckless spending I've been doing. Maybe it's the extra $500 a month in the bank that comes from not having to pay rent, but I'm not complaining!

Got to avoid that $20 ice cream.

I'm actually surprised by how short this list turned out. I suppose there are a few smaller considerations all dem handsome men, but honestly these are the big three. If you're thinking of moving to Korea, of if you're already here, what are/were your reasons? Tell me in the comments!

How Has Korea Changed Me? Part 2: Modesty in Korean Fashion

As promised, this post will talk about modesty in Korean fashion, and how that has changed the way that I personally dress. In other words, this post is about my scarf addiction how I didn't choose the cardigan lifestyle, it chose me.




I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM YOU HAVE A PROBLEM

Now, I am not afraid to admit that I am a pretty curvy person. My chest has knocked over water glasses (SCOUT I'M SORRY) and my butt doesn't like to fit into jeans even on a good day, at least not if I want those jeans to also fit my waist. It's an eternal struggle. Thanks to what's going on in my top half, even shirts that would be perfectly modest on someone with a smaller chest become low-cut once I put them on.



Exhibits C and A

All this to say, my tendency to have a reasonable, perfectly professional amount of cleavage showing came to a stop almost immediately once I started working in Korea. Now, part of this just comes from teaching students in the puberty age range, as I don't want any embarassing moments when I lean down to help spell the word "chicken". A bigger part is just that, at least among the people I see on a regular basis, any chest exposure is just not done. Hell, even a bare shoulder is rare enough that I'm starting to feel like a Victorian lady, shocked by the slightest suggestion of bared skin. I saw a collarbone the other day and almost fainted.

To borrow from Simon and Martina,

"There aren’t a lot of low cut tops and not a lot of cleavage being shown. Bare shoulders aren’t seen often (but it’s getting more popular, noticeably in the three years that we’ve been here) and there aren’t a lot of low-cut backs either. The policy almost seems to be “cover the tops, bottoms be damned!”

"Cover the tops, bottoms be damned!"- I couldn't have said it better myself. In a conversation with my mom recently, I mentioned this phenomenon, and she quite wisely noted that it's basically the opposite of the US. While a woman can get away with a reasonable about of chest or shoulders showing, god forbid she wear a short skirt to the office. However, at least in my school, some of the younger teachers wear skirts so short even I'm shocked. But the moment I show up in short sleeves, I'm the talk of the office. It's not just the teachers, either. Plenty of my students have shortened their uniform skirts so much I'm amazed they can sit down without having a...situation, but I've never seen them in shirts that show so much as a collarbone. For me, it's surreal.

This brings me to my cardigan and scarf addiction. While I've been able to find some shirts and dresses that I feel adequately cover the top, as evidenced by the above picture, sometimes no matter what you do, life will find a way. The solution? Cardigans and scarves.



Got a dangerous v-neck? Why not add a scarf?

Don't get me wrong, I wore plenty of scarves and light sweaters before I came to Korea, but I felt that it was more of a choice, not something that I absolutely had to do. Now, even if the weather is hot and sticky, I'll make sure my shoulders and chest are covered, even if it means sacrificing some coolness. It's gotten to the point that I actually feel weird and almost...naked if I go out without the usual amount of coverage, even on the weekends.

It doesn't help that I stick out like a zebra at a horse party no matter what I do. Maybe some people are comfortable being the odd one out, but as I've said before, I'm a chameleon- I want to fit in as best I can, and if that means living the shrug life, then so be it. At least scarves and shrugs come in so many great colors and patterns! Plus they're a great and inexpensive impuse purchase to satisfy the shopping urge.




A combo best saved for winter- long-sleeved sweater and warm scarf.

So yeah. Short skirts? A-okay. Short sleeves? Better watch out. Halter top? Are you even kidding me right now?

Stay tuned for How Korea Has Changed Me? Part 3: Slow Motion Teacher Talk


Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy: Awkward Questions in Korea

I’m not the most private of people, but I was raised on the idea that there are certain topics that are accepted as taboo in casual conversations: religion, how much money you make, weight, politics, etc. Unless speaking to a close friend, I’ve always avoided these topics out of a combination of politeness and a horrible fear of insulting someone. But everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked I moved to Korea.

I’ll give some examples of questions that no longer shock me.

1. How old are you?

For children, I suppose, this question is par for the course. “I’m five and three quarters!” they will proudly proclaim. But as you get older, the question seems a bit more…personal. Especially as a woman. Now, I’m not suggesting that I’m old, but it’s hard to shake the habit of never asking a woman her age. However, in many conversations, this is the second question I have to answer, right after “Where are you from?” Knowing a person’s age in Korea is important. It colors your interactions, even changes the way you speak to each other, so I fully understand why this question is important. But still…

2. Are you married? Boyfriend? Why not?

This is one of those questions I always assumed you only asked if you were interested in someone. But since I am apparently at an age where I need to be thinking about marriage, this is the big issue on everyone’s mind. The worst part, for me, is trying to answer the “why?” part. I promise you, random taxi driver man, if I had an answer to that, I’d be a genius. On a related note…

3. What do you think of Korean men?

How do I even answer this? “…um…they’re…great…?” Somehow I can never explain to people why this is such a difficult quesiton to answer. It's like asking, "So, what do you think of food?" Though actually, my response to that question would be the same.

4. Did you lose/gain weight?

There’s a running joke in my office that anyone who stays in this office will gain weight, because people are always bringing in snacks. Yesterday, my coteacher Mr. Lee asked me if I’d gained weight. When I said that no, I’ve actually lost weight since coming to Korea, my weight became a popular office topic. When I don’t eat all my rice, someone will inevitably ask if I’m on a diet.
I’ve heard again and again that Korea is very focused on image and beauty, and I suppose that’s true; I’ve had people straight up tell me I look tired or sick, just because I didn’t do my makeup so well that day. Come to think of it, though, that happens in the US too. Maybe it’s a universal thing?

 

5. What is your religion?

Maybe this is common in some places, but I grew up in Liberal/politically correct/hippie central. Maybe, just maybe, you might be asked if you are religious (usually to clear the way for a religious joke). Even then, it seems like a bit of an awkward topic. Your religion is your own business. But since I moved to Korea? I’ve been asked multiple times, and I never quite know what to say. I’m not Christian, or Catholic, or Muslim, or any of the easy answers I could give, but I’m not an Athiest either. It’s hard to say “I believe in something bigger than myself, but I’m not sure what” when your language level is comparable to a 5-year old.

Those of you who are in Korea, any other questions you get a lot, that used to shock you but no longer do? I’m curious.